Bitch

I am pissed most at my self. I don't want to be nice anymore. I don't want to do favors for people, I don't want to hear about all of their problems and try to help. I want to be able to tell people exactly what I think and not censor it, I want to be able to tell people off and not feel bad about it. I want to hit something in all reality when I think about it. I didn't call, he called. I didn't ask to come over, he did, I didn't approach him in the bar, he did. I don't call him as soon as he comes home, he calls me. WHAT THE FUCK!@ I gave myself a time line and it's done. I said I would be happy at whatever I got out of this because in the end all I wanted to be was friends and that's what pisses me off. We were never friends. I was totally clueless. Am I hurt, sure but I will get over it, did I waste my time, nope, I didn't know if it would go anywhere. Now I know it won't and so I won't continue because then I would be wasting my time. It's not like I'm the nicest person in the world, I know I'm not, but I've never been intentionally rude, mean or hurtful to anyone I don't think and yet people seem to feel the need to be mean and hurtful and not even care about feelings. Do they even know. Probably not because I never defend myself and I just sit there and take it. I'm just tired. Today I am tired of life. I know that it's just today and tomorrow will be a better day. I just so badly wanted to be friends.