So don't get me wrong I am extremely thankful that I am in this job, I like that I have people around me, that I am busy, that I am learning everyday something new. However I don't believe anything is ever perfect. If it were I would have died and been in heaven, not here on earth. The man had me so stressed out within a matter of 10 minutes yesterday. It was so bad that I think I made myself physically sick. I was nautious and did end up getting sick then I had diahrrea. Now I just have a cold. Anyways, I woke up in the middle of the night with a brain wave. Yesterday I had thought that I would tell the big boss that either they get rid of the man or I was done. Now this may seem extreme but I am not going to be belittled and disrespected day after day. Well that thought is out the door. I realized that I had just told some staff that the thing to do is sit down with the other person and one other party and talk things through. Maybe he doesn't know that he is treating me this way, yeah right, but I will give him the benefit of the doubt and when the big kahuna gets back and the man goes and complains to him I want to have a sit down meeting and tell him that I feel he is disrespecting me and belittling me. Then if it continues there is a problem and I will do what I said in the first place, me or him, they can choose. Now on to fun stuff, not really, I'm just trying to be optimistic. So I've had 2 friends get engaged in the past two weeks, yeah for them. I always thought that I would be jealous when one of the friends got engaged because she is one of my closer friends to be getting married. I'm not though. The whole idea of that kind of committment right now scares the hell out of me. Do I want to get married one day, absolutely, but just not right now. I think that this is another one of those things that I have just always known. Why else would I write a note when I was twelve that I wouldn't get married until I was at least 26? I think people think I'm wierd when I say there are certain things that I just know about my life but it's true. There are things that I just have a gut feeling about and have always had the gut feeling about and I know they will come true. I know that I will be a stay at home mom until my kids are in school, I just know this, always have and it will happen. I have also always known that I would have more than just my kids, whether it be step, adopted, or foster kids, I've always known this and so far it looks like it will be the step. I've also known that there would be absolutely no difference in the love that I felt for the kids, all would be treated and loved exactly the same. What else do I know, I also know who I will marry. I have this thing, when I tell the man that I am to marry this one thing about me he will be angry at the thought of someone else hurting me. It's not that he can do anything about it, it's just that he will care for me so deeply that the fact that I was hurt will anger him. When I tell the man this about me is when I will know. I know you all are wondering, have I told Dave, no. He is the one, but I know right now that he doesn't care for me enough to have this reaction so I'm not ready to tell him. I know he cares for me, but not enough yet. Speaking of which he is home this weekend. Yay!! So that's all for now, ciao!