When you stop dreaming it's time to die

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Okay I know that people are concerned that I am just being used by him. Trust me, although I seem very positive all the time I do have the same concerns. Do I want to hear that people think that? NO! I try to give positive feedback when people are telling me about their spouse/boyfriends and I want the same. I don't want to hear you agree with me when I am down, I want you to pick me up and tell me everything will be alright and that everything will work out in the end. I have enough negatives that I don't want to hear other people's. I am not living in a dream world, I do see the negatives, it is just that when I am having a day when I am not positive I am confiding in people so that they can bring me up cause that is what I would do! That is what I want from my friends and family. Some people want me to be honest with them no matter good or bad and I`m not, I always just say the good. I am going away to work and I am going to be honest, I am looking forward to it too because I talk too much. I tell everyone everything and I don't want to anymore. Being away I am hoping will help that.

Well I haven't had that much to write lately so it isn't that I have forgotten about everyone who reads about me. I guess I could ramble on about the little things though. I didn't get the job in Elk Point. I'm actually quite alright about that. If they had interviewed anyone that had any accounting background I think they would have been crazy to hire me, I don't have any so I would have been starting from scratch. As fate would have it though I am going to work with my brother and he is working for that company now. So if the other position that they thought I might do well at comes available I probably have an even better chance of getting it since I will already be working for the company. I go to Whitecourt first to work and then once that job is done we go to Smokey Lake. I am kind of happy about that, it will nice to be going away for awhile and then we will be home every night for Smokey Lake. Another thing with this company is that they will probably keep me on once my little brother comes back anyways. So I won't have to worry as much about finding a job afterwards. I like the idea of working for a smaller company too because then you aren't so much just a name on paper. So that is where the job is at, I have 5-1/2 days left then I am done in the human services field. Men, where that is at. Well he came home last Wednesday night. Great night, as usual. Then I didn't see him until yesterday right before he left. I went over just before he left to grab some of my movies. I don't know, I grabbed the movies and then started to leave then went back, he asked if I had forgotten something. I just said "I want a kiss" he smirked and leaned in and gave me a kiss. Should I be upset that I had to ask or glad that he didn't hesitate and did it. I am choosing the latter. He's a man, he doesn't think of those things at all I don't think. Actually I was quite impressed with him. I had told him that I needed to get some of the movies back because they were my brothers and he remembered to let me know when he was free for me to come over and get them. It is really good that I am going away though. I feel like I am too accessible to him. He doesn't ever have to wait for me, I am always available. I want to be a little unavailable to him. I have kind of kept him in the dark a bit. He knows that I am going to work for this company but I didn't let him know that I wouldn't be home every night. I like the fact that he doesn't expect to know everything about my life and so I tell him what I want him to know and vice versa. I really am anxious for summer to come. I am taking off the month of August and I can't wait. I was thinking about the whole bike thing and I am getting really excited about it. I remember when I rode horses and my favorite thing to do was to run as fast as they possibly could, I love the speed. I'm not going to drive as fast as possible but it will be so cool driving down the road at 100kms an hour with the wind blowing in my face. So everyone that lives away from me don't be surprised if one day I just show up on your doorstep!