FUCK

Have you ever just had a day when you woke up grumpy? In a horrible, bad mood for no particular reason? That is me today. I have no actual reason for being this way I am just in a bad mood and see everything negatively and am not sure exactly why. I wish I had a switch that I could just turn and I would re-wake up and be in a great mood. Then when people ask you if you are in a bad mood that makes you even more grumpy! I would love to just tell everyone to leave me the fuck alone and let me be. I need a personal day to go shopping. Funny but shopping always seems to make me feel better, that or sex. I think that I will have more luck with shopping today though. Maybe I need to go on eBay and by a dilator and then I could have the best of both worlds!! Geez, I need to snap out of this. Everyone is pissing me off. My dad by calling me and wanting a favor first thing this morning, my mom crying on the phone that she shouldn't have given two weeks notice but instead just quit and be done with it. Fuck, mom, suck it up you have two days left! Get a grip. My co-worker for coming in and asking if I've been in a grumpy mood for the last couple of days, FUCK!! She's been the one that hasn't talked to anyone for the past two weeks and I'm grumpy!? I wish I could just say FUCK<>

"Thank You For Loving Me"

It's hard for me to say the things I want to say sometimes

There's no one here but you and me

And that broken old street light

Lock the doors

We'll leave the world outside

All I've got to give to you

Are these five words tonight

Thank you for loving me

For being my eyes

When I couldn't see

For parting my lips

When I couldn't breathe

Thank you for loving me

Thank you for loving me

I never knew I had a dream

Until that dream was you

When I look into your eyes

The sky's a different blue

Cross my heart I wear no disguise

If I tried, you'd make believe

That you believed my lies

Thank you for loving me

For being my eyes

When I couldn't see

For parting my lips

When I couldn't breathe

Thank you for loving me

You pick me up when I fall down

You ring the bell before they count me out

If I was drowning you would part the sea

And risk your own life to rescue me

Lock the doors

We'll leave the world outside

All I've got to give to you

Are these five words tonight

Thank you for loving me

For being my eyes

When I couldn't see

You parted my lips

When I couldn't breathe

Thank you for loving me

When I couldn't fly

Oh, you gave me wings

You parted my lips

When I couldn't breathe

Thank you for loving me

Frustrated

You know how sometimes you complain and all you want is a sounding board and not really a voice to talk back this is how I feel right now. Everyone has their limits and knows what they can handle. I know what flaws I will accept and what ones I won't accept from friends, spouse, family, etc. I am the type of person (I think) that will let people make their own judgment calls. They know what they will put up with as far as people go and what they won't put up with. I don't remember telling people that they should get rid of a loved one or cut them out of their lives because I always think, "oh what if it works out, then my friend will always have it in the back of their mind that I told them to drop the person." I think that I get this trait from my parents. They never told me what a dumbass the last one was and they respected my decision and waited for me to figure it out on my own. I did eventually and I don't think that I would have listened to my family anyways and I think it would have drove a wedge between us because I would always remember what they felt about the dumbass. I believe that everyone has traits that are great and then they have the lousy ones that you either choose to put up with or you walk away because it is too much. To some people being a drunk would be a trait that they aren't willing to put up with. I am. Maybe I am because my dad was one and my mom put up with him and it all worked out for them. Maybe I am because I sometimes feel like I lose control with drinking and so I sympathize. Maybe because all of the other traits far outweigh that one thing and I am willing to look past the drunkenness. I don't know. All I know is that I don't get mad and I am still happy when I hear his voice, and I think that this is most important. I will decide when I have had enough and walk away. If I have been complaining I will stop because I know what he is and he was honest with me about himself so I know fully what I am getting into and it isn't something that he is hiding from me. So that is my story for today.