Christmas was really good. On Christmas Eve I thought that it was going to be a fiasco but it went very well. See as everyone meets that person Christmas becomes a time to share the family and we seem to have problems with that. We always get up really early 5-6am usually. Well when Cory and his wife began having kids they decided to stay home and open presents at their home and then come over, so then it was 7:30-8am ish. Then this year Casey also had to go and open presents at his girlfriends family. This would have been fine but he also said that they were having a brunch that started at 10am, this meant that we would open presents right before lunch that was being served at noon because Cory's family was only going to be there at 10am. Plus Casey was getting together with the other side on Christmas Eve for a dinner then again on Christmas Day for a supper. So we would see them from about noon to 2 and that was it. I was pissed. It just seemed like we had to make all of the accommodations and it didn't matter how we felt about it. I ended up getting into a fight with Casey and told him it was his responsibility to speak up and say that they needed to spend an equal amount of time with our family. Well what happened was this. Casey went to the in-laws for supper on the 24th, then he and the girlfriend came to church with all of us, Cory and family, mom, dad and me. Then we all went back to Cory and Jen's and visited until about 10 pm. Then the next morning Casey left at 7:45 to go to the gf's, Cory and Jen arrived at 9:30am, and then Casey came back a little after 10am with the gf. We opened presents and then hung out and had lunch, then mom and dad insisted on doing dishes all by themselves and then Cory's family left because they had a supper to go to and Casey and the gf hung out until 3pm and then at 4:30 I left. It ended up turning good. I would have still liked to have everyone there first thing in the morning but hey I guess you can't get everything and I should start to grow up and be more patient. So then I came home and just hung out. It was nice. Then I have news. Around 8ish at night I got a text, "Merry Christmas Jod hope you had a wonderful day." I was shocked to say the least. I wish I was a bitch and mean but I'm not. So I waited a few minutes and then responded with "Right back at u". There wasn't another response. Today I was at a friends and received a forward text so I just forwarded to a bunch of people, him included. He responded right away. Then we chatted back and forth for a bit then he asked if he could text me later, I said that was fine. Later on he called and asked if I was busy tomorrow. I'm not, so I said no. He said that he would call me tomorrow. Then I continued hanging with the friends, I had plans on drinking but quickly saw that I needed to be the sober driver so I drank coffee all night, hence me still being up at 5am after taking half of one of my sleeping pills and my eyes are still not tired!!! So anyways at 11pm I dropped everyone off at a house party and came home. I was down on the computer when I got a text asking if I was still up. I said I was and he asked if he could come over. I said I suppose. He didn't think I was very convincing so he asked again, and I said yeah he could. Now I wanted to see him face to face because I wanted to ask him what the hell his problem is. I want to know. So he came over, I didn't pick him up nor did I offer. He can flipping well park his truck here. So anyways he came in and we sat on the couch, he laid down and I sat on the edge, not inviting at all. He told me about his Christmas and then I just asked him what the hell is his problem. He said he knew, he said that lately every time he drinks he freaks out and he is sorry. I said well if your sorry then you should call and apologize. He laughed and said I was right. He said that a few of his friends had been saying the same, he gets to a point and he's okay then he spazzes out. He said that he's cutting back on the drinking cause he doesn't know why he does it. I asked if he was stressed about stuff and he said that he is a little about money wanting to get things paid for and he said he just always feels tired and he can't seem to ever catch up. I blurted everything out. I shocked myself. I told him that I just didn't understand him being mean and that I didn't think I deserved it. I told him that I would just get comfortable texting him at any time and then something would happen and it was like we were back to square one. I also told him that I didn't like it that he would text me and then come home, have sex and then I wouldn't hear from him again until he was back at work. I told him that I didn't expect or want a relationship. I just want a response. I told him that I didn't expect him to see me every time he came home and that I know he is busy with his son, family and friends and that I will take him when I can get him and I won't complain. I told him why I don't want a relationship and that's why I liked this. He thanked me for being so honest and he said that from his point there were times when he is home that he just doesn't have the time to text and I said that's okay just respond with busy and I will know. He said that he doesn't want me to ever think that it is just sex and that's it and he is sorry if that's how I have been feeling. He also said that he liked that we could hang out and he really liked the sex, he then asked if I did because he said maybe its' not as good as I think it is. It's great I told him. He is by far the best person I have ever been with. I also told him that I wasn't going to approach him in the bar because I am now scared to because I never know what his response is going to be. He said he didn't want that because we are friends and it shouldn't be like that. He said that in the past people have always complained about how much he works and that he doesn't have time for them and I again said that I know he is and I am not going to complain. I also told him that my favorite time with him is when we are texting each other while he's at work because I kind of feel like it's my time with him and that I'm not taking away any time away from his son, family or friends. So then he asked if he could see my breasts. He asked if I minded. I didn't, I kind of wanted to see his expression. He was fascinated by how little of incisions there were. Which makes me feel better because I did wonder if he would be grossed out. So then we watched a movie, no sex, and he went home at 3am. I sit back and just am amazed at how much I said. I didn't leave anything out. I had prayed to God for timing. So thank you God for giving me the strength to say everything and it to be so easy. It was a great time. I have no idea where this is going, it doesn't matter. If he is it that's great, if he is just a fork in the road and I am not yet meant to meet that someone that's okay too. I appreciate this time. I am back to enjoying and appreciating my life and for awhile there I was in a rut and didn't like my life. In the past few weeks I've had a few changes that have made me realize that I do like me again and I am happy with my life. So I know that some people are shaking their heads. I'm happy. That's all I have for a response. Oh, he had planned on spending the night becasue he asked what time I had to get up and he said as long as he was awake by 10:30 that would be cool. So that meant that his truck would be parked outside my house all night and he didn't seem to care. When we were both wide awake at the end of the movie though he decided that he would just go home because maybe in his own bed he would be able to fall asleep. I was totally okay with that because, as you can see I am still awake and now it is 5:35am so I would have just tossed and turned all night and kept him up.