Ecstatic!!

Life takes funny and unexpected turns. I still am completely elated that this guy called me last night. And yes I know that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to keeping secrets because I can't. I always tell people everything. I guess that I am so happy about my life that I want to share. I don't know why else do I tell everyone everything? Like my piercing, I'm sure that people will find out and it will be my doing and really I don't care. It's kind of like when I had surgery, if people found out I fessed up to it but I didn't go telling everyone about it if they didn't mention it first. There are people though that keep secrets all their lives and don't share and I'm totally not one of those people. There was one secret that I kept for years and eventually I told. I'm so open though, I've never had a a desire to keep things quiet and not tell. Even the worst things that I have done in my life I eventually tell someone. I guess that's me in a nutshell for today. The perma-grin is slowly fading again. I'm hoping it comes back again but if not it was fun while it lasted. Happiness is a natural high and I love it!!

Confused

I keep getting more and more pissed off and maybe if I write about it then I'll get it out and not be mad anymore?! I don't think I'm a very jealous person. I have a lot of different friends and I spend time with each of them separately and sometimes together. But fuck, I don't get it. Why would you want to be friends with someone you know betrays you and talks behind your back and won't even admit that she does it when you confront her. I just don't get it. DO I confront you and ask you what the fuck you are thinking or do I just leave it be. I want to be done. I either want to be friends and the friendship be mutual or I want to cut our loss and walk away. I don't want to feel animosity anymore. I don't want other people that I hang around with to be burdened with my complaining either anymore. I want to just live my life and be friendly to everyone and enjoy life. Why is it not that easy?

Who am I

Man does time pass by rapidly. It seems like Christmas was just here and now Easter's come and gone and soon the summer will be here and Christmas again. Time seems to pass by so quickly as you age. Don't get me wrong I know I am not old by any means but I'm sure not 16 anymore either. I read a post from a friend recently and she talked about being a grown up. I don't know if I'm a grown up yet. I know at work I try to give off the impression that I am a professional woman but when I am away from work I try to act young and carefree all of the time. I've often said that it's like I have a split personality, I act one way at work and another outside of work. Maybe that is why I never combine the two. Friends have no clue what I do for a job and work people have no idea of what I do outside of work. And the thing is that I don't want the two groups to know both sides of my life. What would my work people think if they knew that I got drunk and lost all inhibitions sometimes? What would the friends think if they knew I went to work in business clothes all of the time and was in charge of spending their taxpayer dollars? I don't want to let everyone know everything about me. So who am I trying to be? I have no clue. I want to be seen as a "Woman" someone that you walk by and think, "Man, she has it all together," but I also want to be seen as fun and carefree. Can the two amalgamate and be one person? I have no clue. Or will I always be two different people?